I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i dont even know how to be here
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
