Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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