either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you had me at cake vodka
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My vagina is very pro this idea
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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