My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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