Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
