I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
