What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
