Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
