i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
