It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
