I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
