You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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