"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
