Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i now understand why vodka
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
