Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
