I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
