Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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