The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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