Im at strip club and am horny
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
