I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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