Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
