3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Barsexuality is the new black.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
