; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
