Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
