you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
