Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
