so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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