dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
