We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
