Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
