I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
