Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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