he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
