I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
