I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
