My liver just broke up with me...
I will die if light touches me.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
