I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Let's paint friendship bongs
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize