we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
