I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
