she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
do nipples grow back?
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