I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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