do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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