Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
