Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The best revenge is premature balding
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
pray to the hookup gods
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
