Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
