i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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