we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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