i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
