woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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