Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
