the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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