i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
