You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
