I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
