think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
