so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
