genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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