you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
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We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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