made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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