i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
