awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
