It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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