you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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