She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Randomize
