Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
