I will die if light touches me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
