ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
