I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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