The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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