Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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