i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
