Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
As shirtless as possible
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
