I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
